Bittersweet

I knew this day would come and you would think sending out my resume a million times would have helped me prepare but it didn't. I'm going back to work Monday and I'm devastated. I went for a second interview today to meet the president of the company, on the way home they called and offered me the job, I cried the rest of the way to pick up Adrian from my parents. I know I have to go back to work to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table and diapers on my sweet baby boy, I know this is to make a better life for him and give him everything he deserves but that doesn't help my guilt, it won't help the heart ache, it won't help me catch my breath whenever I think about leaving him and it won't make me miss him any less.

There is a very small part of me that is excited to get out in the world again, to have conversations with someone that can actually talk back and feel like I'm contributing to our family again. A VERY VERY small part, like 1/2 a %.

I don't even want to think about it anymore so I'm ending this post, short and sad...