R.I.P.

Today we are attending a funeral for one of Corey's friends, David. Yesterday was the viewing and rosary and today will be the mass and burial. I didn't know David all that well, I only really remember all the kind words he had for my good friend Matt who passed away in 2001. Corey went to school with David for many years and they're friendship grew when they were starting their days at 4:30am for their school's surf team. As his sister said David was known as the teddy bear not only because he was always there for you and brought comfort but also because he sorta looked like one, like the type of person you would want a big bear hug from after a tough day.
My heart breaks for his family and close friends who loved him so much and depended on him to be their rock, one of his best friends said that though he's sad David is gone from his life he's really sad for all the people who won't ever get to meet him. From the turn out lastnight it was very obvious he was very loved and many many people will miss him. Death is never fair but it seems more obvious when you are seeing a mother grieving over her son who is only 25.
I know today will be a hard day for Corey, we've lost a lot of people we've really cared for over the years and unfortunately it doesn't get any easier. I know for me when I find out someone passes all the feelings from every other person I've said goodbye to comes flooding back and it makes for a very emotional rollercoaster and alot of kleenex's. I think we all take comfort in knowing that all of the other great people we've said goodbye to are now greeting our recently passed friends. I know Matt and David will be having a great time and now there's another quardian angel watching over us all.
R.I.P. David Rodriguez

Family Get Togethers

This weekend I got to spend time with my family, not just my immediate family or my LA family but also my Sacramento family. Since we don't get to see them often it's such a treat when we do. We all got together to spend time with Sister Pat, she has struggled medically over the past few years and most recently her chemo treatments have proven unsuccessful. We all got together to celebrate her life and spend time with her because we don't know how much longer we will have the opportunity to do so. I have 3 cousins getting married this year and I know they are all in fear that Sister Pat may not be able to make it to their weddings.
I had a really great time talking to everyone and I'm so thankful to be a part of such a loving and caring family. I love that we don't see each other for 6+ months but can pick the conversations right back up as if it were yesterday. 14 people came down from Sacramento: Grandma June, Patsy, Vicki, Melissa, Jennifer, Amy, Hannah, Rebecca, Jay Jay, Ethan, Nick, June, Paige and Emerson. All the husbands stayed home and the girls brought down 6 kids, I believe they're all under the age of 5 so I'm sure you can imagine how fun the 8 hour drive is. We met up at my grandma's brother & sisters condo in Redondo.

I was asked by everyone, and I mean everyone when we are going to have kids. It's such a hard question to answer because I never know exactly what to say. With losing my job we've stopped actively trying, we aren't trying to avoid but we aren't trying either. These last few weeks have been really hard for me, I even avoided my nieces first birthday which I totally regret now. I was honest with everyone and told them that we had been trying but since I lost my job things have been put on hold. I really feel that was the best answer to give because it was enough information but not too much to make people uncomfortable. I received a lot of support and I could tell that most people knew about my issues.

I'm so happy for all my pregnant friends, and I even got to go to Hoag yesterday and visit a new baby with Nikki. I have to admit everytime I hear of a new pregnancy after the excitement dies down I have moments of jealousy, moments of "why not me". I've never been a jealous person in my life so this is a completely new feeling for me and it's extremely difficult to deal with. Of course I'm thrilled for everyone and hope to help welcome these blessings into the world, but it's very difficult to not want it also. I know when the time is right I will get pregnant, but until then this wait is killing me, I'm ready, I've been ready so how much longer do I have to wait? Will the time ever be right, will I ever be pregnant? Why do I stress about it so much, and why do I always find myself thinking about babies? Baby fever I guess. I got a notice in the mail yesterday to schedule my yearly exam with the Dr, I guess I will get her opinion and go from there.

My Sister Pat

The picture above is of my Sister Pat, Danielle, and my grandma. Sister Pat is my grandma's sister. She has spent her life "married" to the lord, I have never met a person with a larger heart, literally. She's devoted her life not only to the church but also to our family and the women and children of Los Angeles. She ran many battered women and children shelters thru-out LA, not just giving these women places to stay but also giving them the tools and encouragement needed to succeed in life.

She has made sure our large family stays as close as possible and has supported and stood up for me when others in my family couldn't understand. I remember going and spending weekends with her, she would always take me to Souplantation or somewhere similar and we would talk for hours. She always encouraged me to be strong and stand-up for what I believe in and I hope I took her words of wisdom as she intended. I have felt blessed to have her in my life and look up to her because of her strength and courage. A few years ago we were invited to share in the celebration on her Jubilee, it was such a moving ceremony for me and I've never felt prouder. It may be funny to think that I'm proud of my great-aunt but truly I am. I love and respect her so much and I'm so lucky she has been a part of my life for so long.

"Do you know how much I love you"

Finally an interview...

I finally had an interview yesterday. It was for a really cute high-end dog clothing company, perfect for Zoey. I don't know how I will compare to the 15 other people they were interviewing but I'm not to worried about it. The position was starting at $9 an hour less than what I was making, yes $9 AN HOUR less. I realize the economy is really slowing down and every business is having to cut costs and I'm willing to take a cut, but at the same time I have to survive. I made over $45K last year and I'm getting job offers for under $25K, it's just not possible to take that big of a cut. I would make more on unemployment then I would taking these jobs and it's getting extremely frustrating.
I've never in my life had a hard time finding a job, I've always left my jobs by choice moving onto positions with more responsibility and higher wages, I've worked really really hard to get here. My self-confidence has taken the biggest blow. I've sent my resume to probably 300 companies and I've received a hand full of call backs. I realize that each employer is getting an overwhelming amount of resumes and of course there's some one more qualified and people with more experience but I'm going crazy. I need a job. I need a job that I can pay my bills with, have decent insurance and dental and still have a little money left over for a movie every now and then.
I know things will pick up soon and I will continue to interview with who ever would like to meet me cause I can chalk it all up to experience and one day (hopefully soon) I will land the perfect job.

Non-update

So there really isn't much to update on, I have yet to find a job. I did go to my cousins bridal shower this weekend which was insane, so much fun. Corey got a new car, his old car was in need of a lot of work and it would've cost as much to fix it as the car was worth. His car has been paid off for a year and a half now and he really needed a new one. He got another Subaru and we got a really great deal on it because no one is buying cars right now. We made sure to get him the extended warranty cause that will help our pocketbook in the long run.

Here's some photos from the shower which was at the Bel Air Hotel in Beverly Hills, my cousin opening her gifts, the tiny wedding cake deserts, me outside, we took a limo and had the greatest time, the last picture is my sister finishing off the champagne.