Family Get Togethers

This weekend I got to spend time with my family, not just my immediate family or my LA family but also my Sacramento family. Since we don't get to see them often it's such a treat when we do. We all got together to spend time with Sister Pat, she has struggled medically over the past few years and most recently her chemo treatments have proven unsuccessful. We all got together to celebrate her life and spend time with her because we don't know how much longer we will have the opportunity to do so. I have 3 cousins getting married this year and I know they are all in fear that Sister Pat may not be able to make it to their weddings.
I had a really great time talking to everyone and I'm so thankful to be a part of such a loving and caring family. I love that we don't see each other for 6+ months but can pick the conversations right back up as if it were yesterday. 14 people came down from Sacramento: Grandma June, Patsy, Vicki, Melissa, Jennifer, Amy, Hannah, Rebecca, Jay Jay, Ethan, Nick, June, Paige and Emerson. All the husbands stayed home and the girls brought down 6 kids, I believe they're all under the age of 5 so I'm sure you can imagine how fun the 8 hour drive is. We met up at my grandma's brother & sisters condo in Redondo.

I was asked by everyone, and I mean everyone when we are going to have kids. It's such a hard question to answer because I never know exactly what to say. With losing my job we've stopped actively trying, we aren't trying to avoid but we aren't trying either. These last few weeks have been really hard for me, I even avoided my nieces first birthday which I totally regret now. I was honest with everyone and told them that we had been trying but since I lost my job things have been put on hold. I really feel that was the best answer to give because it was enough information but not too much to make people uncomfortable. I received a lot of support and I could tell that most people knew about my issues.

I'm so happy for all my pregnant friends, and I even got to go to Hoag yesterday and visit a new baby with Nikki. I have to admit everytime I hear of a new pregnancy after the excitement dies down I have moments of jealousy, moments of "why not me". I've never been a jealous person in my life so this is a completely new feeling for me and it's extremely difficult to deal with. Of course I'm thrilled for everyone and hope to help welcome these blessings into the world, but it's very difficult to not want it also. I know when the time is right I will get pregnant, but until then this wait is killing me, I'm ready, I've been ready so how much longer do I have to wait? Will the time ever be right, will I ever be pregnant? Why do I stress about it so much, and why do I always find myself thinking about babies? Baby fever I guess. I got a notice in the mail yesterday to schedule my yearly exam with the Dr, I guess I will get her opinion and go from there.